Listening to feedback on LinkedIn one of my friends stimulated a worthwhile topic.
When asked to do this that and the other for work, do we always consider the effects on our family?
When we commit to our children, do we always remember our commitments to our employer or business?
Can we always succeed perfectly at both home and work, should we expect to fulfill all our commitments to both?
Is perfection needed – or should we just learn to accept that we should just do our best and be happy with the results?
So what is not needed?
One answer – perfection. Here’s a few tips on how to overcome being a perfectionist
Perfection is not needed, if we can see a way to get the balance right we can keep our jobs and have a fun family life.
Remember the five big f’s (fun, family, future, fitness and finance)
One of the feelings that trap us is the feeling of guilt that we put upon ourselves when we attempt to motivate ourselves to do the best, and strive for perfection. However, as my life has developed, and I have realized (not smugly) happily that I have a wonderful life, I’ve often asked myself why is my life this way? Truthfully, I’m lazy, I feel life, my time passing through me and many people just expend time without understanding that time is of real value. Everything else comes and goes, and can return, but time once spent goes forever. So learn to feel for that balance in your life, I cover time management in post 3. Is it more important to get a task done or look after your teeth … at 2.30 is your dentist appointment more important than just another task at home or work… find the balance.
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Next when you hear yourself think, “I’m not happy with that” … ask yourself “Why am I not happy with that, do I really need to alter the outcome?” A lot of times, we have just sprinkled unnecessary guilt upon a task or duty that need not be associated with it. Remember, that more time spent perfecting one thing is less time spent living your life doing another thing that you will also be sprinkling with guilt.
Often in life we react automatically to situations, we become desensitized to our own emotions. We become re-act-a-trons.
So when the boss asks you “Can you ….. ?”
Or when the family says “We need to …… ”
Start applying that filter system to your thoughts so that you can decide what is right for your life before accepting an outside influence.
Remember, rushing around to everybody else’s beck and call will not necessarily bring you happiness, and most importantly it may not bring them happiness or their desired outcome either. Our job in life is to decide which actions are worth doing for both parties (ourselves and the other stakeholders in the action) be they our relatives, friends, colleagues, bosses, employers, employees or anyone else.
So … again … what is not needed ?
Another answer – Guilt – Guilt is not needed.
Rebekah talks of a “Trade Off” … what is meant by a trade off?
A trade off, is where you accept less than perfection on one thing to spend more of your efforts on another thing. Often there is a trade off between home life and work life. Have a look at time management (link further up in the post) and try to learn to say no, not now, or never to some things in your life. Consider delegating more, ask for more help in family tasks, find ways to reduce your load to enjoy your life.
So if you are considering accepting another piece of time consumption into your life, ask yourself, “will this cause a “trade off” ?”
If yes … this is your next question “should I, or am I willing to accept this use of my time? should I refuse ?”
Also try “Am I feeling guilty, and feeling emotionally blackmailed into doing this task?” then just keep asking yourself why, and whether you can alter this emotional view of this situation.
We all deserve a life that is fun, fulfilling, etc , but how often do we run through a process that in our heads allows us to make decisions that rush us towards real peace and happiness in our life.
We run our lives.
However, most people do not feel they control their lives.
If you feel the regret of the trade off, and the guilt of a lack of perfection then start to make changes to your decision making process, change how you think about work, home and the people in your life. Self awareness starts with a questioning mind. To be able to use your questioning ability, you will need to allow yourself the time. Will you ? Can you ? Why not … I took the time to write this because it mattered to a friend. I enjoyed it. I feel no guilt for spending 3 hours doing so, despite the fact our house needs many things, my life will be run by me. My priorities are clear to me … are you priorities clear to you? If not what is stopping you?
Hope this helps, thank you Rebekah,
As ever, Simon
Simon Hamer 