How to create the ideal work life balance – post 2 – what is not needed ?

Listening to feedback on LinkedIn one of my friends stimulated a worthwhile topic.

When asked to do this that and the other for work, do we always consider the effects on our family?

When we commit to our children, do we always remember our commitments to our employer or business?

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Can we always succeed perfectly at both home and work, should we expect to fulfill all our commitments to both?

Is perfection needed – or should we just learn to accept that we should just do our best and be happy with the results?

So what is not needed?

One answer – perfection. Here’s a few tips on how to overcome being a perfectionist

Perfection is not needed, if we can see a way to get the balance right we can keep our jobs and have a fun family life.

Remember the five big f’s (fun, family, future, fitness and finance)

One of the feelings that trap us is the feeling of guilt that we put upon ourselves when we attempt to motivate ourselves to do the best, and strive for perfection. However, as my life has developed, and I have realized (not smugly) happily that I have a wonderful life, I’ve often asked myself why is my life this way? Truthfully, I’m lazy, I feel life, my time passing through me and many people just expend time without understanding that time is of real value. Everything else comes and goes, and can return, but time once spent goes forever. So learn to feel for that balance in your life, I cover time management in post 3. Is it more important to get a task done or look after your teeth … at 2.30 is your dentist appointment more important than just another task at home or work… find the balance.

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Next when you hear yourself think, “I’m not happy with that” … ask yourself “Why am I not happy with that, do I really need to alter the outcome?” A lot of times, we have just sprinkled unnecessary guilt upon a task or duty that need not be associated with it. Remember, that more time spent perfecting one thing is less time spent living your life doing another thing that you will also be sprinkling with guilt.

Often in life we react automatically to situations, we become desensitized to our own emotions. We become re-act-a-trons.

So when the boss asks you “Can you ….. ?”

Or when the family says “We need to …… ”

Start applying that filter system to your thoughts so that you can decide what is right for your life before accepting an outside influence.

Remember, rushing around to everybody else’s beck and call will not necessarily bring you happiness, and most importantly it may not bring them happiness or their desired outcome either. Our job in life is to decide which actions are worth doing for both parties (ourselves and the other stakeholders in the action) be they our relatives, friends, colleagues, bosses, employers, employees or anyone else.

So … again … what is not needed ?

Another answer – Guilt – Guilt is not needed.

Rebekah talks of a “Trade Off” … what is meant by a trade off?

A trade off, is where you accept less than perfection on one thing to spend more of your efforts on another thing. Often there is a trade off between home life and work life. Have a look at time management (link further up in the post) and try to learn to say no, not now, or never to some things in your life. Consider delegating more, ask for more help in family tasks, find ways to reduce your load to enjoy your life.

So if you are considering accepting another piece of time consumption into your life, ask yourself, “will this cause a “trade off” ?”

If yes … this is your next question “should I, or am I willing to accept this use of my time? should I refuse ?”

Also try “Am I feeling guilty, and feeling emotionally blackmailed into doing this task?” then just keep asking yourself why, and whether you can alter this emotional view of this situation.

We all deserve a life that is fun, fulfilling, etc , but how often do we run through a process that in our heads allows us to make decisions that rush us towards real peace and happiness in our life.

We run our lives.

However, most people do not feel they control their lives.

If you feel the regret of the trade off, and the guilt of a lack of perfection then start to make changes to your decision making process, change how you think about work, home and the people in your life. Self awareness starts with a questioning mind. To be able to use your questioning ability, you will need to allow yourself the time. Will you ? Can you ? Why not … I took the time to write this because it mattered to a friend. I enjoyed it. I feel no guilt for spending 3 hours doing so, despite the fact our house needs many things, my life will be run by me. My priorities are clear to me … are you priorities clear to you? If not what is stopping you?

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Hope this helps, thank you Rebekah,

As ever, Simon

It’s the most important change in the US economy since the Great Recession—that nobody is talking about

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So what’s going on here? Well, for one thing, sound public policy.
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The passage of the US Credit Card Accountability, Responsibility and Disclosure Act—the CARD Act—in 2009 and its 2010 implementation completely reshaped the American credit card industry. Here’s some of what the CARD Act did:
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Blocked credit card companies from extending credit without assessing the customer’s ability to pay
Implemented rules on marketing to people under the age of 21 to crack down abuses at college campuses
Limited a credit card company’s ability to levy penalty fees
Restricted the circumstances in which the company could jack up interest rates

And the CARD act is working. For one thing, the industry is opening far fewer accounts for people under the age of 21. In 2007 3.9 million accounts were opened for those under the age of 21. That number was 1.7 million in 2012, down 56.4%.

How to create the ideal Work Life Balance – post 1 – Keeping Lists

Lists are one of your greatest assets and most loyal friends in making your life and work simple.

Question – Why is it my most loyal friend?

Answer – once you add an important action to the list, it will always be by your side reminding you decided that you wanted or needed to do.

Tell me a friend that always does that … without annoying you.

Why is it my greatest asset ?

Always using a list that you use as your primary reference point, will ensure that you never forget to do anything that you wish to do or should do. Imagine never missing a bill, a train, a meeting or a voluntary engagement ever again. Vision – keeping your life so organized that  you sleep better every night or continue to sleep well.

I run several businesses with various different people.

My key list – Here’s one to try.

Financial Liabilities / here and forthcoming.

On it, I put every bill, I write every forthcoming expected liability that is not automated by direct debit or standing order.

When there’s little on it, I just pay the most important first, and I just pay one each day.

If it gets more than 10 items long, I try and pay off the five most important as soon as I can.

I do the same with personal finances too.

Great place for this list, on your mobile, diary or on your desk … all dependent upon how you live your life.

Hope it helps.

Best regards

Simon Hamer

Time to start being responsible? The daily rant

With the ever increasing costs of power there will be more and more use for services and products that monitor and feedback our usage and consumption of energy. With the fluffy first 10 years of this century, we convinced ourselves money just fell out from anywhere we demanded and expected it to come from, reality check, we now need to start being responsible for our lives. Enough of expecting others to do it for us, and relying on handouts. Perhaps people will soon realize it is OK to switch off a light, put on extra clothing, or even just stop wasting money and complaining about it.

Yes, I know there are general issues and problems out there, and many are short of money, but when you see people filling up at one petrol station, when the one across the road sells diesel at cheaper prices you have to ask yourself who is at at fault for them being short of money.

Then you get these morons that accelerate and brake repeatedly in traffic queues, and drive right behind you in icy conditions. One of these stupid idiots has just rammed my business partner in a traffic queue, she’d 6 points on her licence already, and was 26 years of age and drove a BMW. enough said. She was more about image than use of intelligence. Safe to drive?

Off the soap box, soon !
Yesterday I took Mike to the neck specialist, as he has still to get his vehicle returned following and interruption in his life by the stupid BMW driver. On the way, the sat nav took us down snowy side streets… at school leaving time.

Parents, “stop walking your young kids down the roads, getting hit by a car is more dangerous than them falling over”.

Drivers “If you want to talk on your mobile phone, please stop first, then after you’ve stopped and got out of your car to have a fag, don’t stand in the road, stand on the pavement. You just became a pedestrian when you got out of your car”

Children “Don’t run in and out of traffic, we allow all form of morons to drive, one of them will happily snap your bones” … and most likely will not be insured.

If you think I’m exaggerating, I’m not, one of my friends wives was driven into as a pedestrian and is lucky to be alive. The pointer of the car (driver seems a bit of stretch, since you are supposed to keep the car under control as a driver) will probably feel sorry for a few months, my friend’s wife will suffer for the rest of her life, because they refused to drive responsibly.