A – Z of Happiness from the ramblings of a happy man – D

D – Decisions

It is a sad thing to say that many people make decisions without much thought of the real long-term ramifications on their OWN life.

I’m not saying I always make the correct decisions, but at least I put all decisions through a filter before I act, so that I at least minimise the risks linked with a bad decision being made in haste. Or to put it another way, I still make many appalling decisions, but they no longer create a major problem in my life.

So what is the filter process, (I pretend to hear you asking) here’s a starter, you can add as many as you wish to the list to create a great thought process for delivering better decisions continually into your life.

  1. How will this affect my wife? Will she happy with the results of me making this decision, and do I need to consult with her first before I decide?
  2. How will this decision affect my health?
  3. How will this decision affect my time commitments?
  4. Will this decision make me happier, or just better off, is the trade-off, worth it?
  5. Any effect on friends, family, work colleagues or other important people in my life?

You can add many more you feel relevant, like costs, debt, who you are associating with, and the effects on you of being associated with you.

Much of this is down to a personal view on your life. My life is based upon relationships, money comes a distant second, but I understand its value better than most who squander it on many things they barely want, yet alone need.

Example :-

I’ve just decided to help out LinkedIn again after being specifically asked by one of their staff. It means committing time regularly to assist others in getting their issues resolved on the LinkedIn Help Forum, I’m doing it for free, but doing it in the past has meant I met a load of friends that I still treasure.

So I hope that by reading this you formalize your decision-making process a little bit, and that it brings you the happiness that I’ve been the recipient of, for decades..

 

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A – Z happiness from the ramblings of a happy man – C

C – Clarity

Knowledge of yourself.

Be sure – be sure you want what you wish for, be aware life will throw changes you desire in your life. Changes in your focus – changes in your wants, needs, and desires.

You may be fooled to think you need more than you do, but want you want is not what you NEED. Need is about your soul, what does your sole desire?

Love, freedom, happiness and peace of mind is what after thorough inspection and retrospection I really desired.

Where are you headed now?
Are you really chasing your real happiness, or just a corporate recorded dream ?
Are you following the pack, are you truly following the path that is YOUR path?

Success is happiness – if you are not happy – are you really suiccessful ?

Ask yourself some searching questions.

Try it.

From today ! Be yourself, it is fun.

Good luck, as ever, Simon Hamer #happiness #happy

A – Z of happiness from the ramblings of a happy man

B – Balance

Is your life in balance?

It is easy to spot when your life is not in balance, you rush around every day and always seem too short of time, and never truly feel that you are in control. Next, there are feelings of stress. Another sign is excessive road rage. Do you get to family events, do you see your kids, or your parents? What about friends, fun, hobbies and time for exercise, do you get what you consider the normal amount for your needs?

So what to do to correct it?

For a full month, log down at the end of the day on a pad, what you have spent your time doing and which bits you would like to remove or alter if you had the choice.

As you do the log, write any helpful suggestions immediately by them, if you come up with an idea to correct the situation. The suggestions, try a differing contrasting pen colour so it stands out when you look back later.

At the end of a month, do a full review and see what you can do to make your life more YOUR LIFE, and not just the life that you are living.

Think of your life as a wheel, the spokes all need to be the same length for the wheel to roll smoothly along the road of life. Which spokes need shortening (given less focus or less time) and which spokes need lengthening (given more focus or more thought and time).

Good luck, I’ll write the next one later in the week.

Happiness A – Z from the mind ramblings of a happy man

A – Acceptance

Life is a wonderful gift, that is not always fully appreciated by those of us who are lucky enough to reside in a civilised country. Life still throws us challenges, but it is quite usual to allow these challenges to stop or reduce our feelings of happiness.

Acceptance of your life as it is, without the craving for more, less or change is the bedrock of the permanent state of happiness.

I’m saying that the more we can accept ot our present life as normal, the easier it is to feel happy. I understand that accepting problems, difficulties and stress in our lives is not simple, it is a task that requires mastery through daily efforts in the way we think about our lives. Hopefully, the B – Z will help you through mastering this process.

Enough for today, I’ll post B a little later this week.

Good luck, here’s to your future increased happiness.

The fun of being miserly

I amuse myself with thoughts of how I can become more miserly in my personal spending decisions. It is a game I play each and every day.

I use obsolete business cards in free draws at networking events.
They still have my name on, and the host knows it is not my present occupation, but it saves wasting present cards.

I was waiting in a car park to meet a colleague, I collected the pen refills from the broken pens that had been stood on, to reuse them later.

Visits to refuel the car are always attempted to be made as part of a journey, rather than a journey in themselves.

How to create the ideal work life balance – post 2 – what is not needed ?

Listening to feedback on LinkedIn one of my friends stimulated a worthwhile topic.

When asked to do this that and the other for work, do we always consider the effects on our family?

When we commit to our children, do we always remember our commitments to our employer or business?

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Can we always succeed perfectly at both home and work, should we expect to fulfill all our commitments to both?

Is perfection needed – or should we just learn to accept that we should just do our best and be happy with the results?

So what is not needed?

One answer – perfection. Here’s a few tips on how to overcome being a perfectionist

Perfection is not needed, if we can see a way to get the balance right we can keep our jobs and have a fun family life.

Remember the five big f’s (fun, family, future, fitness and finance)

One of the feelings that trap us is the feeling of guilt that we put upon ourselves when we attempt to motivate ourselves to do the best, and strive for perfection. However, as my life has developed, and I have realized (not smugly) happily that I have a wonderful life, I’ve often asked myself why is my life this way? Truthfully, I’m lazy, I feel life, my time passing through me and many people just expend time without understanding that time is of real value. Everything else comes and goes, and can return, but time once spent goes forever. So learn to feel for that balance in your life, I cover time management in post 3. Is it more important to get a task done or look after your teeth … at 2.30 is your dentist appointment more important than just another task at home or work… find the balance.

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Next when you hear yourself think, “I’m not happy with that” … ask yourself “Why am I not happy with that, do I really need to alter the outcome?” A lot of times, we have just sprinkled unnecessary guilt upon a task or duty that need not be associated with it. Remember, that more time spent perfecting one thing is less time spent living your life doing another thing that you will also be sprinkling with guilt.

Often in life we react automatically to situations, we become desensitized to our own emotions. We become re-act-a-trons.

So when the boss asks you “Can you ….. ?”

Or when the family says “We need to …… ”

Start applying that filter system to your thoughts so that you can decide what is right for your life before accepting an outside influence.

Remember, rushing around to everybody else’s beck and call will not necessarily bring you happiness, and most importantly it may not bring them happiness or their desired outcome either. Our job in life is to decide which actions are worth doing for both parties (ourselves and the other stakeholders in the action) be they our relatives, friends, colleagues, bosses, employers, employees or anyone else.

So … again … what is not needed ?

Another answer – Guilt – Guilt is not needed.

Rebekah talks of a “Trade Off” … what is meant by a trade off?

A trade off, is where you accept less than perfection on one thing to spend more of your efforts on another thing. Often there is a trade off between home life and work life. Have a look at time management (link further up in the post) and try to learn to say no, not now, or never to some things in your life. Consider delegating more, ask for more help in family tasks, find ways to reduce your load to enjoy your life.

So if you are considering accepting another piece of time consumption into your life, ask yourself, “will this cause a “trade off” ?”

If yes … this is your next question “should I, or am I willing to accept this use of my time? should I refuse ?”

Also try “Am I feeling guilty, and feeling emotionally blackmailed into doing this task?” then just keep asking yourself why, and whether you can alter this emotional view of this situation.

We all deserve a life that is fun, fulfilling, etc , but how often do we run through a process that in our heads allows us to make decisions that rush us towards real peace and happiness in our life.

We run our lives.

However, most people do not feel they control their lives.

If you feel the regret of the trade off, and the guilt of a lack of perfection then start to make changes to your decision making process, change how you think about work, home and the people in your life. Self awareness starts with a questioning mind. To be able to use your questioning ability, you will need to allow yourself the time. Will you ? Can you ? Why not … I took the time to write this because it mattered to a friend. I enjoyed it. I feel no guilt for spending 3 hours doing so, despite the fact our house needs many things, my life will be run by me. My priorities are clear to me … are you priorities clear to you? If not what is stopping you?

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Hope this helps, thank you Rebekah,

As ever, Simon